First and Last

I’ve been on at least three hundred first dates,
and while I don’t believe anyone can ever
have seen it all, I think I’m closing in on that.
Many of these were first and last dates, thanks
mainly to imperfect algorithms and the ease
of lying in online dating – a given, I’d say. 
The strangest first date I ever had was with
a woman who had a personal bodyguard.
She was a rich Korean, and her dad, although
she was twenty-five, still had her protected
to make sure she wouldn’t be kidnapped.
When I asked her out, and she said yes,
I also asked if he’d accompany us on our date.
She said no, which I assumed was the end of it.
Certainly it seemed so, but after I dropped her off
and drove home, whom should I find sitting
on the stonewall outside my front door, but
the same behemoth who always accompanied her.
He told me that he’d followed us to make sure
she was okay, and that he was satisfied with
the way I appeared to treat her. Not asking
for any comment from me, he disappeared
into the night, just as my intention did
of asking that woman out on a second date.
No other first date has ever come close
to the bizarre unfolding of that one,
but as I mention, I don’t think anyone can say
he’s seen it all if he’s still in the dating pool.

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