Only Ifs

One moment I’m lying on the ground staring at the sky,
writhing in pain because I’ve broken my ankle, desperate,
air harder to find with no one around to help me.
The next moment you’re rushing through the emergency room door,
and I’m so relieved my constant guardian is there for me,
crying because, as always, you’ve come to take me home.

One moment I’m at the hospital because they’ve called,
watching them attempt to comfort you, give you water,
a small pink sponge on a stick, a lollypop dabbed on your lips.
The next moment I’m home trying to eat anything for dinner,
only thinking about you lying there as I stare into the refrigerator trying to choose,
when the phone rings, and she says you’ve stopped breathing.

I wish I could have stood up for you too always,
showed up every time I was too busy or too tired to do so.
You deserved all my support always, but I gave it only sometimes,
nothing like the way you gave yours always until you couldn’t.

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