The Advent of Microwave Popcorn

A veritable second incarnation of popcorn

       immaculate microwave popcorn

              holy popcorn reborn

A sofa-slouching second coming

       shark-frenzy feeding session

              the one-eyed wolves’ tearing fangs

No more hot oil messes

       blistering splatter a fading memory

              shout hallelujah and praise amen

No more muscular stirring of burning popping kernels

       a witch’s sweaty boiling of bats or babies

              a junkie’s rapt vigil over a blessed bent spoon 

Just bang that bag in the astronaut oven

       and beep beep beep

              it’s instant gratification for that low-cal treat

Drown it in melted butter

       a whole stick not a half

              and sugar makes it taste like kettle corn

But coming off that popcorn high,

       the next morning with those thin outer-hull skins

              hard pericarp that could lead to a periodontist

Floss the hell out of their hiding places

       bastards dug in Alabama-tick deep

              jammed down insidiously between teeth and gums

The midnight snack festival that keeps on giving

       festering for days with bloody irritation

              extraction mission after mission failed

Every time I worship at the plumping bag-swirl shrine

       I can’t help but wonder why I do this to myself

              seek destined dental disease as addictive as crack

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