Miss Bianca

“Let’s go to Auntie Ruthie’s house.”

“By bus?”

“No, let’s walk.”

“Walk!  But it’s so far.”

“No it’s not far.”

“Yes it is.”

“No, it isn’t.  And we can hunt for wild woogle berries on the way.”

“Oh, okay.”

. . .

“Now isn’t this fun?”

“We haven’t found any berries.  How long have we been walking?”

“Oh, maybe an hour.”

“Are we almost there?”

“Pretty soon.  Oh look!”

“At what?”

“At this hedge.”


“Do you know why this hedge is so high?”

“Because no one cuts it?”

“No, because Miss Bianca lives here, and she doesn’t want anyone to see her.”

“Miss Bianca?”

“Yes, the movie star bunny, Miss Bianca.”


“Yes, she’s a white bunny and she talks.”

“Talks like a bunny?”

“No, Miss Bianca talks like a human.  English, like us.  With a British accent.”

“Come on.  No she doesn’t.”

“Yes she does.  And she has a kidney-shaped swimming pool.”

“Kidney shaped?”

“You know, like the little red beans.”


“Yes.  And she has a butler and a maid, and a bright red Ferrari convertible with leopard skin upholstery.”


“Well it’s fake leopard skin.  Miss Bianca would never hurt animals.  In fact you know what?”


“Miss Bianca goes around looking for people who carry rabbits’ feet for good luck.  Do you know why?”


“Because she makes sure they have bad luck.”

“I thought you said she’s an actress.”

“She is.  But in her spare time she hunts down humans with rabbits’ feet and brings them all kinds of bad luck.”

“Like what?”

“Well, sometimes she makes them fall down the stairs, and sometimes she makes them slip on wet bathroom floors.”


“Yes.  She can really hurt people who hurt animals.”

“That’s scary.”

“No it’s not.  It’s good.  It teaches them a lesson.  Oh, listen, do you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

“It’s Miss Bianca.  She’s swimming in her kidney shaped pool.”

“Oh no she’s not.  I don’t hear anything.”

“That’s because you don’t believe she’s swimming.  You have to believe she’s swimming.  Then you’ll hear her.”

“I don’t believe in her.”

“Then you’ll never hear her swimming, and, listen, did you hear that?

“What?  What?”

“Miss Bianca just answered her lovely pink telephone.”

“How do you know it’s pink?”

“Because I saw it when she invited me to lunch.”

“Aw, come on, let’s go to Aunty Ruthie’s.  I’m hungry.”

“Should we ask Miss Bianca if we can have lunch here?”

“Here?  Lunch?”

“Yes, lunch.  We can have cucumber sandwiches with the crust cut off.  That’s what she has for lunch every day.”

“Cucumber sandwiches?  That sounds junk.”

“No it’s not junk.  It’s what movie stars eat for lunch all the time.”

“I don’t want cucumber sandwiches.  Let’s go to Aunty Ruthie’s.”

“Would you like to see Miss Bianca?”

“No, I don’t believe in her.  She’s not behind this hedge.”

“Oh, no, she heard you.  Now she’s crying.”

“Really?  I didn’t mean to make her cry.”

“Oh, she’s crying and she says we can’t have lunch.”

“Can we please go to Aunty Ruthie’s?”

“Yes, but we’ll have to walk.”

“I know.  We’ve been walking.”

“I know.  But Miss Bianca was going to give us a ride in her red Ferrari convertible.”

“With the leopard skin upholstery?”


“But now she’s not?”


“Because I don’t believe in her?”


“I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay.  Miss Bianca forgives you.”

“Look.  Over there.  It’s Auntie Ruthie waving to us.”

“Yes.  Hi, Ruthie!”

“Does she know Miss Bianca?  I guess they live pretty close.”

“No, she doesn’t know Miss Bianca.  Miss Bianca is our little secret.”

“Oh, okay, I won’t tell.”

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