Wistful

Very soon, she said, maybe next week
Her face pressed against the pillow
Damp from this night we sweated in the humidity
Of a tropical storm rolling slowly south of us

I stood beside the bed watching her
Love on my mind, always, but forever feeling brief
My age pressing against my short long life’s desire
Knowing how so short a how long could be

Each day I’m thankful, now, for waking up
Each morning another chance, but not
To fall in love with someone who’s leaving Hawai‘i
Moving from here meaning a long distance romance

I’ve known many people who’ve attempted that dream
Flying back and forth until the credit cards run out
And at my age my limit’s barely enough
To give my heart to someone leaving’s hard

I’ll miss you, I said, meaning it more than time can tell
But we can call and text, she said, do FaceTime or Zoom
I know, I said, but we’ll always have that distance
Enough, I thought, to make our love impossible

She sat up on the side of the bed and smiled
I’ve seen this kind of smile signaling unhappiness
Wistful is the word, I think of as resignation
Realization that no plan could keep us together

Outside the wind and rain continued to compete
Trying to outdo each other’s damaging reputations
And through the window I saw what I knew
Was devastation of hope in a weathered down lifetime