It’s been a year now since Kenneth stopped in to pay what he owed me. Walking in after three tentative knocks, he produced a roll of bills and peeled off sixteen $100 bills, laying each one carefully on the desk.
“I think that covers it,” he said. “Thanks very much, Lee, for helping me out when you did.”
I looked from the money to the roll. “How’d you get so much?”
Kenneth’s eyes danced around the room then back at me.
“I sold my car.”
Now Kenneth’s Toyota Prius wasn’t old, so this piqued my interest.
“Only what,” I said, eyeing the roll. “A couple thousand?”
“Five,” he said. “That’s not too bad.”
“Huh. Well, okay. But I’d think it would get you at least 10.” I searched his face. “Wouldn’t it?”
Kenneth laughed nervously. “Well, you know, beggars and choosers, right, Lee?”
I nodded. “It’s that bad again?”
Kenneth nodded. “Yeah, it’s that bad. I need my arms and legs, you know?”
“Hey, if it’s like that,” I said, “you can take the 1,600 back and pay me later.”
“Lee, look, I’ve owed you too long. I mean, I know you’re not like them, but I feel real bad about my debt to you. You pulled me out of a bad scrape. And I got just enough, you know, selling my car, that I can still pay them off.”
“These guys would break your leg for what, 8 thousand? That seems a little extreme, huh? It’s not like you owe them 80 thousand.”
“No, no, that’s true. But I’ve gone into debt with them before. Gambling’s an ongoing thing, as you know. I have owed them 80 thousand before. This amount,” he held up the roll of bills, “it’s my guarantee to them that I can cover my bets. Eventually. Because you know me. Sooner rather than later, I’m going to owe them again.”
“Look, Kenneth, you come here for counseling. We can break this habit. It takes time, sure, but we have to work on it, make progress. People do.”
Kenneth shook his head. “Well, it’s feeling like I’m not one of those people, Lee. I’ve been coming to sessions for what, six months now? And I still gamble. I can’t help it.”
“You can’t give up, Kenneth. And what are you going to sell next time? Blood? Do you have anything else to sell that can save your neck?”
He shook his head. “No, nothing, really. What I need to do, you know, is go away someplace. Isolate myself, you know? Like going cold turkey when you’re a smoker, or an alky, or on drugs.”
“I don’t think you’ll ever get far enough away,” I said. “You have to work on breaking the habit. For good. You gotta hang in there.”
“Prison,” he said.
It was like he wasn’t listening to me.
“Jail would do it. Commit some kind of crime.”
“Awww, come on,” I said. “That’s crazy talk. And besides, sitting in jail without any counseling wouldn’t cure your problem. When you got out, you’d go right back to gambling.”
Kenneth nodded. “Yeah, well, maybe. But counseling, it’s not the answer for me. Look,” he said, “I have to go give these guys the rest of this money before I do something stupid with it.”
“All of it?”
“Well, no, not every single penny. I might have enough for a cup of coffee. I’ll see you, Lee.”
He turned to go.
“The coffee’s always free here,” I said.
He raised his hand in goodbye and headed out.
Kenneth didn’t come to any sessions for several weeks. The next I heard, he’d been arrested for burglary. It looked like he’d decided prison would be his temporary fix. I wondered how he’d do in there.
The answer to my question came six months after he went in. He’d been found dead in his cell. No foul play was involved, but no specifics about the death ever made the paper.
At a session a few days after I’d heard about it, a young guy, Peter, came in for the first time.
“I need help bad,” he told us. “I’m in some deep shit. I’m afraid the guys I owe are gonna kill me.”
We all nodded. We’d all heard it.
“We’ll help you,” I assured him.
But you never know. My faith in curing these gamblers, because of people like Kenneth, was always open to question. For every one person who broke the pattern, it seemed there was more than one who didn’t. One step forward, and too many back.
If you have a gambling problem, you should try GA, sure. Hey, you could be one of the lucky ones who makes it. I did. That’s why I’m here. I’m trying to give back, but the odds seem stacked against me. The house doesn’t always win.
Lanning Lee 