Oh, said Mr. Souza, as he closed the bathroom door. Please do remember to lower the seat. The women who work here want that done. So please do it. We don’t need friction over small things like that.
I nodded. Only big things, I said. I’m a jokey kind of person.
He laughed. Believe me, Lanning, I could tell you stories. Trust me, some of them are unbelievable.
He went on. With this last room, don’t ever go in here, okay? It’s a dangerous place.
It had been an interesting job interview so far. I think we’d developed good rapport right off the bat. We were two Hawai‘i boys, albeit ten years apart in age, who’d ended up living in Madison Wisconsin. That kind of tie is like magic in the real world
I smiled, not sure if he was serious about the room being dangerous. Should I laugh? I wondered.
He’d showed me all the other rooms. One was filled with all kinds of paint, brushes, various putties and plasters, and plastic sheeting. All the kinds of things you’d need to do any painting in the store.
Another room was filled with various fabrics for use on the walls and in display cases. There seemed to be every color and texture available.
Then there was a hardware room. Shelving, brackets, display racks. When he turned on the lights the silver of most almost blinded me.
The break room looked comfortable. It was Sunday night, and even though the store was closed, and all the employees were gone, this looked very homey. I could see myself sipping coffee in this room. Joking around with fellow employees.
Mr. Souza had told me his background was more in sales. He’d worked at Sears and J.C. Penney back in Honolulu. Here in Madison, he’d gone to Nordstrom after college.
Then the man who owned this Midwest chain called Walton’s had spirited Mr. Souza away for big money apparently. And here I was, with no retail experience, about to be hired to work at this department store because I was also from Hawai‘i. No doubt about it.
It was my only qualification. I’d applied on a whim. I needed a job, so I was applying anywhere they’d give me an application. For sure, in my mind, I’d only been given an interview because of the local tie between us.
I looked at him, wondering. Then I asked, because I still couldn’t figure out if he was kidding, What’s dangerous about it?
He was the one who laughed.
Well, he said, I have to warn you that if you go there, you’re entering a time machine.
He laughed again.
Trust me, he said, I made the mistake of going in there once, and I have no idea how I made it back out. But I did it by pure dumb luck, I think.
He sounded so serious. But now I couldn’t help it. I laughed.
It’s no joke, Lanning. I was warned about it too, by Rolf.
Rolf was the owner of the Walton’s chain of stores.
Mr. Souza continued. Rolf knew what it was, and he’d learned how to use it to his advantage. But he warned me against it because he wasn’t sure anyone else would be as lucky as he was to get out of there after traveling around in time.
To his advantage? I asked.
“Yes. He’s driven a lot of smaller competitors out of business because he’s gone forward in time and made all the right moves to beat them. Rolf said that knowing marketing trends and how to play them allowed him to make every move he needed to succeed where others didn’t.
I truly could not figure out how the humorous side of this story would emerge.
So is it locked? I asked.
Yes, it is. Of course, it is. It has to be. We can’t afford to lose employees we’ve spent time and money training. If they disappear and can’t figure out how to get back, it’s bad economics.
Impossible as this seemed, and still feeling like it was a joke with a punchline I would hear shortly, I played along.
I said, So you’ve lost people in there? Even though it’s locked?
Yeah, Lanning. After I give them the warning I just gave you, it’s like that warning makes them want to get in there to see for themselves. Some of our suddenly former employees have broken in. So foolish.
I tell them not to and they do. It’s sad, you know?
I said, Yes, I can see that. But that’s human nature, right? When you’re told not to do something, some people want to do it right away.
I was still waiting for the punch line. He shook his head. So true, he said. So sad. His voice sounded far away.
Then he looked at me. And I mean not just at me, but into me. Like he was prodding the inner workings of my brain.
Now that I’ve warned you, he said, you’re not telling me that you want to break in there, are you?
My laugh was long and real. Come on, Mr. Souza. This really is a joke, isn’t it? You aren’t telling me you believe that room is a time machine?
The piercing stare he gave me scared me.
Come on, he said, leading the way back to his office.
His demeanor had changed. Chilled.
Okay, he said matter-of-factly. I’ll let you know tomorrow if you’ve got the job.
His affect was so cold and distant now that I didn’t know if I should even try to shake his hand.
He gestured the way out. It’s been nice to meet you, he said, with no warmth behind his words.
On the drive back to my apartment, I had a whole new feeling about the interview and our Hawai‘i tie. While I’d believed I was a shoo-in up until the time machine room, now I felt as if my lack of qualifications would make it easy for Mr. Souza to reject me.
From the time I woke up Monday morning all the way through dinner, I sat by the phone. Depressed, I figured he cared so little about me that he might not even do me the courtesy of calling.
But the phone rang around 7:00. A night guy. It figured, right?
Lanning, he said, I’m sorry to tell you that I won’t be hiring you.
I wanted to blurt out, Is it because of the time machine room? But I didn’t.
I don’t normally do this, Lanning, but because we’re both from Hawai‘i, I feel a special, friendly tie to you.
Uh, yes, I said, I feel that too. I felt it through, ah, most of the interview.
There was silence on the other end.
Hello? I finally said.
Yes, sorry. I just couldn’t hire you, Lanning. I could see that you would be one of those employees who would break into the room, and I didn’t want to risk losing you. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.
Now both of us were silent. I wanted to say, Come on, Mr. Souza, that whole time machine room thing is ridiculous and you know it.
But I just waited.
Hello? I finally said.
Nothing. Mr. Souza had hung up.
Lanning Lee 