“So it’s agreed, then, we should sell the house, right?” she said. “And we’ll then split the money in half.”
“Yes,” she said, “I think it’s a given. I don’t want to live here anymore. Do you?”
“No, uh-uh. There’ll be too many bad memories.”
She looked at him. “And some good ones, too, though?”
“Oh sure, of course.
I didn’t mean to say it was all bad.”
“I’m glad,” she said, “but it makes me sad, too.”
He nodded. “Yeah, of course, there’s always a lot of sadness with things like this.”
“But it’s the right decision,” she said. “This,” she waved her hand between the two of them, “could never work out, right?”
“Right, it’s true, but back to what we’re doing here. You picked most of the furniture out, so you take it all.”
“Okay, sure. But there are a lot of memories attached to some of those things, too.”
“I know,” he said. “Like the bed.”
She smiled, and so did he.
“You were good,” she said, “The best sex I ever had.”
He laughed again. “And you were not bad at all. Hey, if I were the judge, you’d take the gold in the bed exercise event.”
She blushed. “Okay, okay, back to business.”
“The car?” he asked.
“I know you made me laugh, saying you bought it for me,” she said. “But we both know very well who you bought it for.”
He nodded, looked sheepish. “Yeah, it was a good Valentine’s Day line, but true, it wasn’t really for you. I mean, I’ve dreamt of owning a Mercedes since forever. And since we could finally afford it —”
“Say no more,” she said, patting his hand. “The car is yours. I never cared for driving it anyway.”
“Passive-aggressive are we much?” he asked, smiling.
“Okay,” she said, not smiling, “I guess that’s about it”
“Oh, wait,” he said. “What about Mr. Barky von Schnauzer?”
She stared at him for a moment. “What about him?”
“I get him right?”
She shook her head. “Oh no no no no. He’s my dog. I’m the one who found him at the pound.”
Smirking, he said, “I’ll give you that, but who walks him all the time? Me, that’s who. You know he loves me more.”
“Hah! That’s a laugh. If we were to put him in the middle of the room and call him, you know he’d come to me.”
“Bull shit. He’d come running to me. Who does he sleep with?”
“Your girlfriends?”
“Very funny, very funny.
He sleeps with me.”
“No he doesn’t. If I leave the door open, he jumps in bed with me.”
“You literally must be dreaming about that. Since we took separate rooms, he’s always slept with me.”
“Barky!” she yelled. “Barky, where are you, little guy?”
Mr. Barky von Schnauzer inched cautiously into the room. Seeing the two sitting opposite each other at the dining room table, he stopped short and sat.
“So he’ll come running to you, huh?” he said.
“Well, he came when I called him, didn’t he?”
He pivoted in his chair to face Barky. Slapping his thighs, he said, “Here Barky. Come here, Mr. B.”
Barky looked askance at him.
“Hah hah hah,” she gloated, turning to face Barky. As she did, she slapped her thighs as well. “Come here Barky. Come to Mama, my little love bug.”
Barky tilted his head the other way.
“He won’t come to you either. So wop your jaws, Lady.”
Shooting him a stink eye, she stood up and walked toward Barky. Cowering, Barky backed slowly away.
“Stop,” he shouted, standing up as well. “You’re scaring him.” He advanced toward Barky. Barky continued to back away.
“So,” she said, “I’m scaring him, am I? If that’s true, how come he’s backing away from you now?”
“Wait.” He stopped and looked at her. “Wait. You know, I think he is afraid of us. Both of us.”
She looked at him, then at Barky. “You’re right, this is terrible. We’re both frightening him.”
Crouching, she called softly to Barky again. He whimpered and stayed where he was.
“Barky,” he said, crouching too and almost whispering. “We’re sorry, little guy. Come here, buddy.”
Still Barky sat whimpering.
They stood up and turned to each other. Both had sorrowful looks of great remorse.
Then, simultaneously, they both said, “You take him.”
Staring at each other, their faces suddenly lit up. They laughed, then came together in an embrace.
“I think I love you,” he said, hugging her hard.
“Honey, I know I love you,” she said, returning the intensity of his hug.
“This was a terrible mistake,” he said, looking into her eyes.
“Yes, my love. I don’t want to go through with the divorce.”
“Me either,” he said.
They kissed.
At that moment, Mr. Barky von Schnauzer ran to them and jumped up, his paws scratching at their legs.
“Awww, Mr. B,” she said, crouching to receive his kisses.
“My little buddy,” he said as he crouched, too.
Barky began licking him, then alternated between their faces, slobbering them with kisses.
For the first time in a long time, laughter rang through the house, and Mr. Barky von Schnauzer could feel the joy was real.
Lanning Lee 