Slowly

Why does it always have to be his way? I finally have had it. I say, “Basically, Alex, you’re a little Caesar.”

“Hmmm, you know what?” he says, pausing his game. “I do think I could go for a pizza right now.”

That’s all he hears.

“Geez,” I say, “do you ask me if I want pizza? Do you ask me what kind? Do you care anything about me and what I want?”

He rubs his chin meditatively. “Do you want sausage, onions, and black olives? Oh, and would you also like extra cheese?”

I do like sausage on my pizza. Good of him to remember. But that’s beside the point.

“And I’m sure you want to make it thin crust, right? You know how you’d better watch your calories.”

I know he doesn’t think this is an insult.

“Give Little Caesar’s a call now, and tell them you want to do a takeout.”

I’ll bet I’m going to have to pay for it, too.

“If you can cover the cost this time, that’d be great, Babe. Thanks.”

This time?

“And don’t tip when you pick it up. You need to watch your budget.”

He goes back to his video game.

That’s why I love you, Alex. That’s why I love you. I pick up the car keys.

“Oh,” he calls from the couch, raising his arm and flapping his hand to get my attention. “And fill up the tank on the way. Thanks. Hurry up now.”

I storm out the door, slamming it. Not that he’ll take any notice of that. And to top it all off, he didn’t even remember that today’s my birthday. What a guy. I must have done something in a former life to get stuck with a boyfriend like him.

The pizza smells great. In the kitchen, I put a candle in the middle of it, light it, then carry it out to him. Will he remember my birthday now?

I would place it on the coffee table, but there’s a huge box with a bow on it sitting there. The smile on his face is even more surprising than the gift.

“Happy Birthday,” he says, gesturing at the big box.

Placing the pizza on the couch beside him, I sit on the floor next to the coffee table and undo the bow.

“Oh Alex, I thought you’d forgotten about my birthday.”

He laughs. “Now how could I do that? You know what you mean to me.”

I stop ripping off the wrapping paper and turn to reach up to kiss him.

“Ah ah ah,” he says, pointing to the gift. “Not until you open it.”

Oh well. Giving orders, it’s his thing. And sure, he’s not the most romantic person I know. I go back to unwrapping the box. When I pull back the flaps, I see a lot of wadded-up newspaper.

“Careful,” he says, “it’s buried in there, and it’s a little fragile. I wanted you to have to work a little to find it. Hurry up, now.”

I remove the balls of paper slowly, curious to unearth whatever it is that’s waiting in there somewhere for me. Kind of like Alex’s heart, when I think about it. It’s in there, I know. After all, I was attracted to him once. I mean, we’ve been together for nearly six months now. It’s in there, I know. I just have to find it.

Finally, I see it. It’s a little box, very pretty, trimmed with lace.

“Be careful,” he warns again.

I open the lid gently. It looks like a turtle brooch. Picking it up, I see the legs squirming.

“Alex, ah, this is a turtle, right?”

“Yup, a turtle. You like it?”

I place the little guy in my palm and hold it up for closer inspection. All the time I’m wondering why he would buy this for me. I do love all kinds of animals. I think he knows that. But why a turtle?

Alex says, “I thought you needed a turtle. You know how slow you are at doing everything. You took so long to come back, I know that pizza’s cold already. Now you have a reminder of how you need to speed things up. Don’t be a turtle anymore, Babe. You gotta think about shifting gears in this new year of your life.”

I place the turtle back in the box.

“You won’t be able to store it in there, you know,” he says. “You’re going to have to set up a little tank for him. Don’t put that off. Better get it done before something happens to him. You wouldn’t want him to die, would you?”

This is my love. Sighing inwardly, I pivot slowly to blow out my single candle, but I see it’s already died.