Australia, how would you know this?
Barren of bears as Antarctica
And all your penguins silent on the subject
No bear has ever been convicted of a crime
Not even of stealing picnic baskets at Jellystone
Despite what you may suspect from TV
Bears always assert in court
Actions they take against our invasive species
Are exclusively defensive
We attack
They say
Because these outsiders appear threatening
And anyway given time and scope
All pilgrimages result in contusions
Abrasions apt conclusions with all that bruising
Knees bleeding for kneeling
Need knee pads or a towel
Please bear with me
Not those that’ve been through the wringer
Too many times to soak up other much
Than sippy cup spillings
Not fit for patting
A baby’s forehead dry
Abrading it after near drowning beneath the cross
People are reading this for recreation
In the fields of delectation
Your Honor
See we bears digress as humans do
So it’s not always honey eating
Or salmon snatching idyls
And any big warm hugs
Will take a back seat
As bears sometimes do
In sorrier cases
Making clear to these furless creatures
That they are bloodily persona non grata
Forewarned Aussies are forearmed
So lock your car doors tight
And don’t ever try to pet bears
Lanning Lee 